where do i put all my shame?

i was trying to sleep the other night. i usally go to bed around 2 AM, despite always saying "i'll go to bed earlier tomorrow." and in a moment a thought just hit me:

"what if i don't have to make myself feel like this? what if i stopped shaming myself for not already being who i think i'm supposed to be?

what if i just let myself be?"

i know none of this is a crazy revelation. it's something any therapist could tell you. in fact, it was the main thing me and my therapist talked about during 2021. well, that and my transition. but despite talking to her, knowing what she was saying was objectively correct, a part of me, deep down inside, didn't believe it. i couldn't possibly believe that all those years of shame were completely useless. "surely," i thought, "surely all my self hatred will prove itself to be useful eventually, right?"

well, no. it didn't.

nonetheless, it was something that i believed was too important to let go of. the constant shaming had become a part of me, an instinct as natural as breathing. i couldn't be too much, or take up any space, or let myself speak for too long. 

the culture certainly didn't help. shame is a powerful tool, and no one knows this better than fascists. they use this to dehumanize marginalised voices, to illicit disgust and fear about us, not only in the minds of apolitical citizens but also, within ourselves. as Ken Moffat writes in his 2012 essay, Shame and Men:A Queer Perspective on Masculinity,  "[insulting] is rather a performative gesture by the aggressor inscribing the power to hurt, and the power to mark one’s consciousness."

but the troubling part is, we are seeing the same attitudes in supposedly progressive spaces. the current internet is built to make you shame and exclude anyone who isn't like you. and anyone can fall victim to this mentality, regardless of political convictions. ultimately though, you turn off the screen, and all that's left is you and the shame, with nowhere to go but inside your head.

for some time now, i've tried my best to push back against the fear and shame. there were moments where it became suffocating. not only that, but i realised shame was actively hindering my progress. the Future Me i had propped up on a pedestal kept getting further and further away, because every time i failed to meet my own expectations i convinced myself i could never be that person. the blanket of shame was a protective shield i used to avoid change. i became a self-fulfilling profecy. "if i'm fucked anyway, why even bother?"

but it doesn't have to be that way. i know it didn't use to be that way. when i was a very small child, i didn't care so much. i just let myself exist as i was. and as much as i mourn those days sometimes, i know i can't turn back time and revert all the things that have led me to be neurotic and scared. i don't want to, either. the shame is a part of me now. i am who i am, for better or for worse, thanks to it. 

and maybe, that's been the issue all along. i've tried to repress the shame while not realising that i am a whole person. i cannot exorcise the shame because it is me. 

and yes, i am lazy, and angry, and annoying, and all the other things i tell myself i can't stand about myself. but would that be so bad? perhaps, i need to be less scared of being these things, and more open to experience all aspects of myself, including the negative ones. 

to go back to childhood is impossible, but i can try to look at the world and myself with the same enthusiasm and kindness.

happy new year everyone, i hope 2026 is full of joy and surprises. 

love,

devon.

p.d: a poem and the first sunrise of the year :] 

apuntes sobre el estilo personal

La búsqueda y definición del estilo personal se han convertido en los temas más grandes dentro de la conversación sobre moda en Internet, y no hace falta buscar mucho para encontrar todo tipo de tutoriales sobre qué es, cómo encontrarlo, y por qué es lo mejor. Si apenas te estas iniciando en el mundo de la moda, puede que uno de los primeros consejos que te den sea que empieces a buscar tu estilo personal. E incluso puede que ya estes emprendiendo ese camino.

A pesar de lo sobreexpuestos que estamos al término ahora mismo, no es una idea completamente novedosa. Al ver la gráfica de Google Trends, podemos observar como este ha sido un tema constante online, pero hay un salto significativo de su popularidad en 2022. No es casualidad que se este se diera saliendo del periodo experimental de la cuarentena, tras la que también aumentó el interés en la ropa vintage y de segunda mano. 

Las marcas de fast fashion empezaron a devaluarse a ojos de más "influencers" de moda, y por ello, también a ojos de sus seguidores. Esta última ola de atención al estilo personal se ha sentido más potente que las anteriores, gracias a lo rápido que viajan las tendencias en el formato de vídeos cortos (30 segundos a 1 minuto) que domina internet últimamente.

Al investigar, me he dado cuenta de que los consejos que comparten estas figuras online suelen ser bastante genéricos: encuentra referentes de estilo, trabaja con la ropa que ya tienes, experimenta etc. No es que me resulten malos consejos, sobre todo si ya tienes un poco de idea de qué es lo que te gusta en la moda y ya tienes cosas que encajen en tu idea de ti mismo. Pero hay dos problemas:

1. ¿Cómo encuentras tu estilo si no has estado en contacto con la moda antes?

2. ¿Acaso existe un estilo personal?

Voy a intentar explicar mis pensamientos sobre estos dos problemas a continuación. Al final, ofreceré mi interpretación de qué hacer sobre el estilo personal. 

1. ¿Cómo encuentras tu estilo si no has estado en contacto con la moda antes?

A primera vista, parece imposible no estar familiarizado con la moda. Al fin y al cabo, todos llevamos ropa, ¿verdad?  

PUES NO

Como se nota que no lees este blog... Ya hice todo un ensayo hablando sobre qué es moda y qué no, pero para ser más claros, voy a resumirlo. 

La moda engloba el estilo de vida de las personas, ya sea auténtico o deseado, con su forma de vestir, y cambia a lo largo del tiempo. Cuando nos vestimos, intencionalmente o no, estamos tratando de comunicar aspectos sobre nuestra personalidad. En un podcast, uno de los creadores de contenido sobre moda más populares en internet, @diemenswear, explicó que para él, la moda es un idioma social. 

Siguiendo con esta metáfora, para encontrar tu estilo, deber aprender el idioma de la moda. Esto incluye entender qué quieres transmitir y educar tu gusto a través de referencias históricas y contemporáneas. Pero aquí encontramos el primer problema con los consejos sobre estilo personal: no sirve de nada decirle a alguien que busque referentes de lo que le gusta si ni siquiera entiende como aplicar lo que funciona de esos referentes a sí mismo con la ropa que ya tiene.

Como resultado, la gente compra mucha ropa que le parece bonita, pero al no tener idea de como hacer que funcione todo junto, compra todavía más ropa para intentar parecerse a sus referentes de estilo sin desarrollar el espíritu crítico necesario para crear outfits que les gusten de verdad, o que se sientan suyos. Uno de mis youtubers favoritos, CJ the X, explicó que ese fue uno de sus problemas cuando intentó buscar su estilo.

Para remediar este problema, sugiero empezar con consejos más sencillos sobre ropa y colores en vez de lanzarse a buscar una estética específica. Por ejemplo, una de las cosas que siempre funciona para mejorar un outfit es contrastar texturas, que puede ser tan sencillo como usar una chaqueta de cuero con tus vaqueros y camisa. Eso también es aprender el idioma de la moda.

2. ¿Acaso existe un estilo personal?

Esta pregunta puede no tener sentido si tú consideras que tienes un estilo propio. Y, efectivamente, hay gente que se ha mantenido firme a un mismo look toda su vida, sin importar lo estrambótico (o minimalista) que sea. Los tech bros adoran hablar de como Steve Jobs siempre llevaba lo mismo para evitar tener que pensar en algo tan "irrelevante" como la ropa. Pero irónicamente, su búsqueda de uniformidad en su estilo le hizo resaltar tanto en un mundo de hombres con traje y corbata, que ese estilo ha sido imitado por muchos compañeros de profesión años después.

Así pues, las razones por las que elegimos nuestro estilo siempre se ven influenciadas por factores externos. Incluso si intentamos alejarnos de todo lo relacionado con la moda, siempre vamos a ser influenciados por las marcas de las que compramos, las personas con las que nos rodeamos, las actividades que realizamos en nuestro día a día. En la era de la información, es incluso más difícil creer en el concepto del estilo propio cuando nos vemos rodeados de anuncios y contenidos promocionados por algoritmos, que dicen ser "personalizados" pero que también le van a salir a 4000 personas más sin importar que experiencias teneís en común.

Entonces, si no tenemos un control de verdad sobre que nos inspira, ¿podemos tener un estilo personal?¿Acaso ha existido jamás un estilo personal, puramente individual? 

En mi opinión, no. Nunca te puedes liberar de la política detrás de la moda, ni de como tu ideología personal guía tu sentido del estilo. La obsesión moderna con el estilo personal, la auto-ayuda, la optimización personal etc. nacen de un deseo de individualidad frente a la sociedad ultra capitalista en la que vivimos. La búsqueda de sentido se siente cada vez más existencial ante la amenaza fascista que busca robarnos de cualquier tipo de expresión y cultura, ya sea mediante el "arte" generado por inteligencia artificial, o mediante la explotación de la moda rápida con diseños robados.

¿En qué quedamos?

El término "estilo personal"  ha sido utilizado tanto en internet que ya no significa nada. Los mismos influencers que intentan venderte formas de conseguir un estilo propio subsisten a base de renovar sus armarios y publicitar marcas que no tienen otro interés que no sea ganar más dinero. No tiene sentido criticar a otros por no tener un estilo personal cuando ellos se benefician de esa misma audiencia.

Por otro lado, tampoco creo que sea un crimen explorar y cambiar tu estilo. Como ya he explicado antes, no eres ajeno a las influencias externas, y las personas no somos estáticas, sino que cambiamos a lo largo del tiempo, igual que nuestro estilo. Es necesario ser consciente de la cultura consumista en la que se fundamenta la industria de la moda actual, pero no te sientas mal por que te atraigan distintas cosas, solo ten el auto control de no reinventarte cada dos días. La mejor forma de evitar el desperdicio es no comprar ropa que no necesitas, aunque sea de segunda mano.

Por último, me gustaría explicar que el estilo personal no es algo que necesites buscar, ni algo con lo que obsesionarte. Si te interesa la moda, adelante: usa los consejos que he ofrecido y ten en cuenta lo que he dicho en este blog. No te limites al internet para buscar inspiración, ya que esta puede aparecer en todos lados. Pero no te obsesiones con buscar una categoría hiper específica en la que encajar. 

Libérate de la obsesión con la búsqueda de identidad y vive, lo demás vendrá solo.

Fixing a Hole (in the Beatles narrative): Discussing Paul McCartney

Paul McCartney has one of the longest and most successful careers of any musician in history. Everyone knows he was a core part of The Beatles, and everyone, regardless of age or nationality, knows at least one of his songs. But even beyond The Beatles, his accomplishments with Wings and as a solo musician are still remarkable, and he's selling out stadiums to this day.

Despite being considered a living legend, there is a long tradition of disregarding his role in the creation of modern pop music as well as his influence in other genres. For a man with countless biographies written about him, Paul is still seen as a two-dimensional cartoon character in certain ways. However, before we can discuss why, we have to explain the history of how Paul has been portrayed to the public over the years.

The narrative that was set by rock critics after The Beatles broke up (aided by a spiteful John Lennon), was that Paul was the PR Beatle. A total control freak, hence why bought more shares of Northern Songs (the company him and John set up to publish their songs together) behind Lennon's back, and why he didn't want to sign with manager Allen Klein. 

Not only that, but his solo work from the early seventies was put down in comparison to what his two songwriting bandmates, John and George, were releasing. While they were being praised for being "authentic," Paul was regarded as the worst solo musician of the group and Ram in particular was called "monumentally irrelevant" in it's orginal 1971 review by Rolling Stone.

Even after the Beatles made up in the mid 1970s and John admitted to exagerating and lying due to feeling wronged by Paul, the damage was already done. The general public still loved Paul as well as his new ventures with Wings, but in rock circles and certain Beatle fan circles, he was still seen as a less serious musician. 

In the wake of John Lennon's murder and throughout the 80s, the myth-creators that call themselves biographers (I'm talking about you Philip Norman), fanned the flames of Lennon vs McCartney discourse for decades to come. John became an idol in the literal sense of the word. He was the truth-teller, the only avant garde musician in The Beatles, and the perfect activist that everyone should aspire to be like. And while there are aspects of John Lennon The Myth that are rooted in reality, there is something deeply disturbing to me about taking an unfair act of violence and dehumanizing the victim in order to reinforce a narrative about why they are a better artist than their bandmate Not to mention the horrific conspiracy theories that accused Yoko Ono of carrying out the murder, thus degrading his surviving family as well.

Recently, the tides have turned radically in favour of Paul. His solo work has finally come back to being appreciated, with Ram being cited as the first indie pop album due to it's DIY nature, and he's recieved more empathetic coverage by both biographers and music fans.

Get Back (2021), directed by Peter Jackson, shows previously unseen and restored footage that didn't make it into the original Let It Be documentary released alongside the album in 1970, after the Beatles had already parted ways. In it, we see Paul McCartney not as a tough authoritarian, but a disheveled young man, trying his best to keep the spirits up and push through even though he knows this is the end of the line. 

To me, a great part of this rediscovery of Paul can be attributed to the more compassionate portrayal of the breakup offered by Jackson's Get Back. The tension doesn't fall squarely on one persons shoulders, but rather on the collective miscommunications and pre-existing resentments within the group that were allowed to fester.

But the question remains: Why has this original narrative prevailed? How have so many people been fooled to believe that there is no depth to Paul?

Well, it all boils down to this: Paul McCartney is not a very public person, despite being a public figure. He has discussed emotional topics like his grief after John's murder, Linda's battle with cancer and his relationship with the other Beatles in interviews, but he usually sticks to the same answers and anecdotes. Rarely ever does he reveal more than he has to. He keeps his guard up on the press, and for good reason too, since his every move can and often times will be interpreted in bad faith. 

There is also this idea that an artist has to reveal his deepest traumas through their art or in public in order to be a "real" artist. This is often brought up when comparing John and Paul. Whereas Lennon exposed very intimate details about himself in the press and in his songs multiple times, McCartney has created a public persona to allow for his own privacy, and his songs cover a wide variety of themes that aren't strictly auto biographical. 

But again, just because he doesn't want to reveal his emotional core to the public, doesn't mean he doesn't have one. Beatles fans have analyzed Paul for years now, using the information that we do have as well as the repeated themes in his songwriting. With this, we can piece together a more comprehensive, empathetic tale of Paul McCartney than what a lot of Beatles writers have done in the past. And we can see how that view of Paul has been making it's way into the mainstream.

Nevertheless, the official story still haunts the public. The media narrative created around the myth of the Beatles is so powerful, so all consuming, that whenever Paul says anything that strays from the established "canon," even if it's something he personally experienced, certain types of Beatles fans are quick to dismiss him. They want both the performance and the real thing. They want Paul to reveal new information, but they also want him to adhere to (and never contradict) the traditional Beatles tale that's been told since at least the 80s.

Tumblr user amoralto put it best when discussing the Get Back documentary before its release:

"Basically, the very reframing, the very act of recutting of the film in and of itself, will be (and already is) seen by many people as a rewriting of history. Which is sad and silly, because in this case the history should be rewritten; it’s just that however well it’s written, it’s still at the mercy of being read, and how, and by who."

In 2027, the world will turn it's expectant eyes to four new biopics about each of the Beatles. It is my hope that the tropes and myths that have surrounded the story of this wonderful group will be forgotten in favour of a more fair portrayal of all members, including Paul, taking into account the real human beings behind the narrative.

The ethics of RPF or Why McLennon is Real (Part 1)

As a young queer pree-teen, online fandom gave me a space where I could explore my interests and curiosities without facing hostility for being myself. In fact, I still dedicate a lot of my social media usage to whatever fandom I’m in at the moment. While it has been a mostly positive experience,  it has also exposed me to a lot of discourse. 

A topic that remains controversial in fandom spaces from it’s inception up until today is real person fiction, also known as RPF. This term refers to the creation of fictional media based on the personalities and lives of all sorts of famous figures, from actors and singers to politicians and even Jesus Christ himself.

Now, we will dive deep into the origins of RPF,  it’s position within modern day fan culture, and why it is beloved by some and reviled by others. Furthermore, I will connect this to my current main fandom, the Beatles fandom, and why the fictional stories created about John Lennon and Paul McCartney expose a different side of the Beatles story.

Before you ask, yes I am completely and totally insane. Deranged, even.

With all that out of the way, let’s begin. 

A history of RPF

According to Fanlore, we can find our first examples of RPF in the 60s, specifically in one of the first modern fandoms: Star Trek. At the time, zines being written by fellow fans sometimes included stories about the characters interacting with the actors and fans of the show. However, these stories didn’t include sexual or romantic themes and were humourous in nature.

It was during the 70s that we see the rise of real person slash – a term which refers to fanfics that involves two characters in a relationship, often times two men. This was done privately and shared by small groups of fans, since it was believed these couldn't be majorly publicized. Nowadays, it’s not shocking to watch a movie or read a book based on a self-insert fanfic, but when fandom was still blossoming, there were possible legal issues to take into account. 

However, it wasn’t until the arrival of the internet and with it, larger fan communities, that we see a rise in RPS written about actors (such as the LOTR cast members) and musicians (bandom and popslash). In the 1990s, specific mailing lists were created to host these stories, like The RareSlash-X.

The evolution of the internet and social media also meant an evolution for fandom. Blogging sites, such as LiveJournal and later Tumblr, became the main spaces where fans could create their own communities and share their stories with one another. We would also see the creation of the Organization for Transformative Works, the nonprofit behind both Fanlore and Archive of Our Own, often considered the most important fanfic sharing site online. On AO3, there are two main umbrella categories for RPF, those being “Celebrities & Real People” and “Music & Bands.”

Still, the discourse surrounding RPF is as extensive as the history of the term itself. In the following section, we will be discussing the arguments made against and in favor of real person fiction, as well as the reasons why so many have latched onto it.

Good, Bad or something in between?

Concerns about real person fiction, especially shipping, are many. The main argument against it is that it’s invasive, and can lead to people being uncomfortable or even outed.

One of the most infamous cases of RPS going too far is Larry, the ship name of One Direction members Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles. The pairing got so popular while the band was at their peak, that although both members have denied Larry ever existed, there are still some fans who genuinely believe they were, and are, a gay couple. 

(Side note: one of my favorite video essayists, Shanspeare, did a deep dive into Larry, which I strongly recommend if you’re interested in learning more.)

There is also the case of youtuber Dan Howell, who in his 2019 video “Basically I’m Gay,” talks at length about his struggles with his sexuality and internalized homophobia. In a segment of the video, he explains how the fan speculation around his relationship with fellow youtuber Phil Lester exacerbated these issues, and made coming out more difficult for the both of them.

Before I continue, I want to make it clear that the behavior exhibited by both groups of fans was completely out of line. No one, no matter how famous they are, owes you an explanation about their sexuality. With that being said, I think the overexposure of Larry and Phan during the early and mid 2010s has shaped the opinion of current fandoms and the internet at large, therefore resulting in a more negative view of RPF. Because of this, I want to clear up some misconceptions regarding real person shipping.

Firstly, it is important to clarify that shipping is not the same as genuinely believing two people are in a secret relationship. The latter is often called tinhatting or truthing and, while it’s often conflated with shipping, it is considered a separate, usually small community. Unlike truthers, shippers acknowledge that they’re creating fiction based on real people, and don’t expect (or demand) their faves to come out. Of course, not all truthers do that either. Some of them might just exchange theories on Tumblr. 

Regardless, it is seen as disrespectful to expose the subjects of the ship to the existence of it, unless they have already explicitly stated they have no problem with being shipped. This has been commonplace in RPF spaces since at least the LiveJournal era of fandom, but unfortunately, there will always be people who ignore this rule. 

But why write fanfiction or make fanart about real people in the first place if you know they may be uncomfortable with it? Well, it’s because the art isn’t actually about them, but rather about the idea of them. Thus, RPF takes “the mediated performance of celebrity and creates a narrative about what happens ‘backstage’” (Fathallah, 2017). In that sense, it is not that different from celebrity gossip. However, unlike the tabloids, I don't think most shippers now search for evidence of a relationship by digging into their favorite celebrities private lives, rather they work with what is already public information and create their own interpretations based on that. Hell, in some cases fanfic writers will make up completely alternative lives for them.

Of course, if taken too far, shipping can become invasive, as we have previously seen. But, when reserved to fandom spaces and with enough self awareness, I believe there isn't really a harm in it. And at the end of the day, the internet is a vast space, and if you don't like something, there are a million filters you can use to avoid encountering it.

What does The Internet think?

Before we continue on to part two, I wanted to share the results of a poll I made regarding real person shipping and truthing, as well as some of the responses that stood out to me the most. I tried my best to read all of them, but I got almost 200 responses and it’s only me writing this blog, so please don’t be upset if any of yours didn’t make it in. 

Keep in mind the results are biased, due to the fact that the Tumblr blog rpfshippingpolls kindly reblogged my post about the poll, and as you can imagine, their followers are very much into RPF (consider giving them a follow if you are too).

With all that being said, let’s get into it.

In the first question, we see the bias that I was talking about earlier, with a combined total of 98% of respondents having ever read and/or written RPF.

Of these, the vast majority (a combined total of 91.7% of participants) continues to write and read RPF. Again, not surprising considering it reached specifically that community on Tumblr.
Out of curiosity, I asked if these fanfics included shipping, and if so, what pairings did they read and/or write for. The responses here include a wide variety of fandoms and ships: musicians of all eras, professional athletes in many sports, actors, youtubers etc., which goes to show there is RPF everywhere for those with the eyes to see.

Next, I wanted to know if there were any specific reasons why there were some who stopped reading or writing RPF.  While the majority of participants clicked not applicable (85.1%) since they still engage with RPF, 4.6% lost interest in the fandom, while only 1.5% lost interest in RPF in general. 
Of course, I forgot to take into account more specific circumstances, which explains all the tiny bars in the chart below. Some people explain they lost interest in the RPF side of the fandom they were in, but not in the media itself, while others express they stopped engaging because there was too much drama. Typical.

The follow up question seems a bit unnecessary looking back, but I was genuinely interested in seeing if there was an audience for strictly platonic RPF. As it turns out, the answer is a resounding no, with a mere 2.1% of respondents claiming they don’t read stories that involve shipping real people.

After these initial questions, we move onto questions regarding truthing. 

First, I ask if they believe any of their ships are real. The responses vary widely here too, since I forgot there is a lot of nuance to RPS. Many people took to the "Other" option to write in specific ships they believe are/were real, to some extent. In any case, 45.1% of respondents chose no, while 23.6% believe only one of their ships is real. Only 4.1% believe all their ships are real, while the other 4.1% are the people who this question doesn't apply to.

This confirms my initial suspition that full on truthing is not as popular as it's painted out to be, and yet, the reason I got so many varied responses is because all RPF is somewhat based in reality. I will try to explain this more in the next part of the essay.

Next up, I wanted to know how many of the people who voted no are opposed to the idea of truthing. As with the previous question, I got a lot of nuance on this one and the follow-up question, with a majority of participants clicking "It depends" (45.1%). On the other hand, 19% are directly in favour of truthing, while only 10.3% state they are directly opposed to it. Finally, 25.6% of participants chose N/A, since they selected any of the "Yes" options in the question above this one.

Following this, I asked for people's opinions on truthing in more detail, and I got a wide variety of interesting responses. In general, most fans don't think it's bad, unless it is being shown to the people involved or it causes harassment.

"I'm not here to judge other people lol - as long as you aren't bringing up your trutherism to the celebrities or anyone in their circle, I don't see a lot of harm in it. But I do oppose it when someone is making a celebrity or their family uncomfortable, which does happen." (Anonymous)

"As long as truthers keep their discussions to private/closed parts of the internet (discord, tumblr, etc), I don't have a problem with it. Truthers and RPF writers both stem from the same irl moments and interactions, so it would be hypocritical of me to find an issue with truthers who are respectful."(the-in-between-honey)

However, there are some that do take issue with it.

"I think it's the business of the people who are involved only. Even if they are in a confirmed relationship, speculating outside the fiction/fun realm is in bad taste." (acetonitril)

"i think it's an invasion of privacy in a way simply writing a fictional story about someone isn't, and can encourage harassment. Ultimately tho it's not that serious, it's more just a personal feeling of discomfort" (Anonymous)

There was also this comment, which I found interesting, highlighting how personal some fans can take it when the people they ship seem more approachable.

“In the case of Youtuber RPS, it has unfortunately resulted in very invasive interactions and the worst part of parasocial relationships on social media - where the 'truthers' tend to treat very real people more like fictional characters than actual human beings and causing its own forms of harm/harassment to the YTbers as well as their friends/family. In fact, witnessing that side of fandom in spaces like Dan and Phil or the Supernatural fandom years earlier had initially made me hate RPF/RPS to the point where I couldn't even bare to look at any form of RPS fanworks [...]” (Sammy)

In the next part, the questions talk about the presence of RPF on social media. Interestingly, while the majority of participants (82.6%) interact frequently with other fans of RPF, most of them (54.9%) don't have an account dedicated exclusively to the subject.

Regarding which social media users post the most on, 59% chose Tumblr, while only 4.1% post on Twitter. I also got some answers from people who primarily use Discord, Telegram, or Facebook, while the rest (33.8%) chose "Not Applicable".

As for the last questions, I asked for overall thoughts on RPF/RPS and once, again, I got a lot of great responses. Overall, the majority of respondents agreed that there is nothing wrong with it, unless it was exposed to the subjects involved or their family. 

"I think it’s kind of a fic gray area to be honest. It all depends on the user and the intent. I think the key is that you don’t show it to the people it’s about or actively approach the subject(s) of the fics with fic content or your ships. Personally, I like consuming it and I like to write it from time to time :)" (leonsliga)

"So long as you aren't trying yo show the people involved have fun, live out your fantasies. I actually used to be opposed to RPF but now it's like. It's just make believe." (Wi55iams)

There were also some comments specifically from fanfiction writers on the reasons why they write RPF. Writer for kpop fandoms, steamed_hamsters (great name btw), explains:

“Real person fiction enables me to fancast my favourite idols into the stories that I write. It reduces the cognitive load of creating characters from scratch and imagining them in the stories.”

Another participant, Maxime, has a similar opinion on the subject:

“It's cool. I understand why people hate it. And as for those crusading against it the block button exists. Personally I use RPF as a vehicle for my stories because I cannot for the life of me create my own OCs. I take these people, and the interpretations of their perceived personality/character and map my own stories to it. [...]”

Finally, an anonymous user talks about the literary themes of RPF that make it so appealing to queer fans. This was one of my favourite responses, though I had to cut out a bit like in a few of these for the sake of brevity. But anon, if you're reading this, I hope you write more on the subject! 

“[...] i think rpf is one of the most interesting ways to explore in fiction, personas n selfhood & fraught queer almost-romances & the fear of Being Seen, like im not against "what if they were fucking" but i have a lot of thoughts about the themes. so much rpf is about the closet. and the parasocial element of truthing where you're going, if these people were my friends and acted this way in front of me i would ask if they were dating. [..]”

With that, we conclude the first part of this blog post. Originally, I intended to make it one big entry, but then I realized just how long that would be and decided to split it in two, so I could at least post something before the new year lmao. 

I don't expect to have changed anyone's mind, but I at least want people to understand the reasons why I (and many others) enjoy real person fiction and shipping. 

The next part will actually tackle the McLennon of it all, so if you're into that look forward to it and follow me on tumblr. I spend waaay too much time talking about them on there. 

Once again, thanks to all the wonderful people that participated in the poll. 

Happy holidays!

Sources:

Fathallah, J. (2017). Reading real person fiction as digital fiction: An argument for new perspectives. Convergence: The International Journal of Research into New Media Technologies, 24(6), 568–586. https://doi.org/10.1177/1354856516688624

Lantagne, S. (2016). When Real People Become Fictional: The Collision of Trademark, Copyright, and Publicity Rights in Online Stories About Celebrities. SSRN Electronic Journal, 7. https://doi.org/10.2139/ssrn.2736942

RPF - Fanlore. (n.d.). Fanlore.org. https://fanlore.org/wiki/RPF